Just Missing It?

For most of us, life is a beautiful journey that goes largely unnoticed. This is about how I missed beauty because of a small sample of brokenness common to our planet. Somehow, we westerners tend to just miss it when beauty and blessing are right before us. See if you can find yourself in the story:

For my wife, spring and summer are all about her flower garden. For me, gardening is all about my wife. So a few weeks back, when she asked me to help her weed her garden, I basically said, "No thank you, that would be your hobby, not mine." My motorcycle needed cleaning! So, anyway ... I went out immediately and began to clear this stuff called Morning Glory from a smallish square of earth. (What does that tell you about family order?!) When we finished literally digging the whole section down about a foot, we planted several other non-weed like plants and it really did look nice. But know this: the person that gave that creeping nasty weed the name “Morning Glory,” must have been the same guy that named Greenland and Iceland! No one wanted to go to Iceland because it sounded like a frozen wasteland, so the other sailors went to Greenland and left beautiful Iceland to the smart Norsemen! Morning Glory is a hideously deceptive name that makes us think beauty when really it’s an unholy trick!

Some smart person named that weed “Morning Glory” so that it would give him an advantage over the other farmers on the block. The others would hear its beautiful name, admire its little blossoms, and let it grow. All the while those dirty “namers” planted their veggies and got to market before the rest of ‘em! There is nothing glorious about Morning Glory! This is not a flower at all! It’s an insidious vine with a take-over plan! Trying to kill that weed proves that toil and the sweat of your brow deal! Speaking of gardens, I remember a famous one where all this trouble originated. This weed is straight from Hell! The Devil disguises himself like and angel and this weed like a flower. Dig all the way to the root and you haven’t got the root. When it’s pulled out or cut off it still flourishes. It actually seems to like being attacked and grows back faster. Chasing it down into the earth several feet you think it’s finally eradicated, but NO! When one finds those little white root feelers they snap off easily and produce a hundred more! The very next day it’s sprung new shoots and is taking over again. That nasty thing is freaky creepy!

Wednesday morning my wife didn’t have to work so I let her sleep in a bit, took the girls to school and returned to make a cup of coffee. I got back to a quiet house, took my coffee and sat out in the garden on our little bench. I tried to quiet myself, breath and still my stress for a moment before I left of for the office. There I was, sitting in a former battle ground, feeling some level of satisfaction and enjoying the real beauty. So this is what gardening is about, says I? It was all lush green with splashes of color everywhere! Roses were exploding with of blooms. There were those yellow deals, some pink and red flowery things with tight blossoms, that creeping green carpet like ground cover, some of that spiky grass that grows at Ocean Shores, and three squatty green bushes with purple spikes beginning to poke out, (I told you gardening wasn’t my hobby!). I could actually see the fish pond and the hundreds of blue berry blossoms. The corn is way past “knee-high-by-the-4th-of-July,” And the grape vines actually looked like they could produce one day soon. I’m thinking, This is sweet. I like it. Let’s do this again!

It was really restful. This is very cool. Thank you God, I said out loud. And then I spotted it. I looked down and there it was, creeping out from under the stepping stones two feet away. Just as I felt my pulse slowing and my blood actually beginning to cool in my veins, there were those damnable little creeping Morning Glory monsters growing again right from where we’d dug down several hundred feet to strangle them one week before! Now I’m not just saying this for blog-effect, I honestly became physically irritated and then saddened. I lost the benefit of beauty. I quickly forgot the glimpse of glory that slowed my blood pressure and momentarily rested my busy brain.

It wasn’t but thirty seconds between rest and restlessness! A sigh escaped and I hung my head staring into my tepid coffee. Why is it so branded into our human psyche to just miss it? Then, I remembered that other Garden long ago and wondered Why God? The blessing was right before them and they focused on the one thing they were told to avoid. Those earliest ancestors were placed in the most beautiful garden imaginable. And with NO WEEDS! But they still missed it. How God must have sighed a huge holy sigh when they did what He knew they would do. They just missed it. They traded the beauty before them, for the death that would follow them all the way to us. After that eternal tragedy, they spent the rest of their long lives fighting weeds and missing the enjoyment of the life of God left around them. Now it’s my tendency to spend my time sitting in my lovely little garden, with my coffee, healthy kids, my bills paid, a great job, a rock-star wife, and a little congregation of the sweetest, sincerely authentic people I’ve ever been within, and I’m pissed at weeds ... I just missed it.

Damn weeds! Everyone a distractions to beauty! Isn’t this our human condition? We tend always to miss blessing and beauty because of a few pesky, even monstrous but momentary, little weed-like issues that creep in under the stepping stones along our path. It’s easy to miss the privilege of walking until we see the lady in a wheel chair rolling through the cross walk to get across before the light changes. Why is it so easy to cuss about our kids for their immaturity and childishness, rather than see the intricate design of God woven into each? It’s too easy to hate our boss rather than be thankful for a job. We naturally moan about being busy until we find someone that's truly lonely. It’s too easy to criticize the Barista and lose the enjoyment of that fresh hot cup of Verona. It's easier to grouse about having to pull weeds than to focus on the beauty of the garden around us, isn’t it?

Just like killing weeds blinds us from the beauty of our gardens, life’s little troubles tend to take our attention captive. We still miss the beauty of the garden. But the solution is simpler than we think. Give thanks often. Sit in your little garden, whatever it may be, and breathe. And rest. Enjoy a kiss, or the touch of someone who loves you no matter what. Take a nap in the sun. Notice the color of your daughter’s eyes! Hug your sons! Don’t just think stuff, do stuff! Open your eyes; leave the thoughts about weeds behind - unimportant compared to the beauty of rest and the prize of a moment of peace – and live longer.

Old Lessons, New Time.

As the one who sort of invented (or stole from an obscure source) the phrase ‘lifebites’ one might think I’ve learned how to deal with those biting circumstances? Nope, reality bites! I’m still learning and none too patient at it! Over time all of us are forced to face adversity, but adversity can’t force us to learn. It does, however, force us to choose.

We are facing war, a world in turmoil, transition in governments and financial markets, family issues and the lonely, personal struggles that these pressures exacerbate in all of us. The ripple affect of our crumbling economy has touched all of us in some way. Two members of my own family are out of work. Three close friends have either lost their jobs or had their hours cut in half. Being in the Church world, I hear of the struggles many congregations are facing all over the state. Budgets slashed and staff sizes greatly reduced. Those who are left are now being asked to do more for the same pay or less. That’s just in my world. Last week, Chrysler notified 789 dealers that they would not have their dealer agreements renewed. General Motors proposes to close about 1100 of their dealers this week!

I know you could share similar stories. What to do? How are we to face these realities, and more to the point, what does adversity teach us? Actually, better put, what does adversity force upon us? What I have discovered is of course not a discovery at all. In adversity, we learn old lessons for new times.

1. Adversity forces us to focus. Instead of concentrating on all kinds of non-essentials and ancillary issues, adversity tends to draw my focus to necessities, like relationships, people, family, faith, serving, rest and hard work.

2. Adversity forces the discovery of new solutions instead of putting up with the same old ones. Responding to adversity often proves that people can be more creative when they have to do so. History is replete with examples of how new products were developed by “mistake.” Adversity is the inventor behind many new techniques and products.

3. Adversity forces new alliances. Mergers, acquisitions and new market place niches are exposed by the forces of adversity. New opportunities pop up for the next entrepreneur, inventor, or leader.

4. Adversity forces the discovery of hidden or underutilized talent. Every sports franchise has this opportunity when their superstar athlete develops tendinitis or blows up his knee. Someone who was warming the bench takes the team to the Superbowl.

5. Adversity breaks old habits and tired traditions. Old habits and tired traditions come from the lack of challenge to our current ways of doing things. Adversity makes me accountable for how I do what I do, and why I do what I do all over again!

6. Adversity forces greater accuracy. When bullets are less expensive people waste more ammo! Now, when ammo is expensive, we are forced to shoot less, aim more carefully! In target sports, as in life, we tend to get more accurate when the ‘cost’ of our actions increases.

7. Adversity forces new efficiencies. When we have to do better, we can do better. Adversity forces us to pay attention to the interplay between effectiveness and efficiency. When trouble comes, and costs increase, new levels of quality or performance are required. If effectiveness is doing the job well, then efficiency is doing the job with less waste and friction. Adversity brings these cousins together again.

8.Adversity increases resilience and reduces the whining! Those who endured the years of WWII learned that adversity made them sterner stuff. World wide adversity and carnage, though wicked and far reaching, created more resilient people who were willing to sacrifice, held simple things in high esteem again, and stopped complaining because it just made matters worse! People knew they were blessed if they were alive, had food, a roof and family or a few true friends, they had all they needed.

9.Finally, adversity forces believers to face weak faith. This is the big one for me. To be frank, adversity sucks! It's oftentimes just destructive. In an imperfect world, with greedy people, scared people, broken people and broken systems – things are going to break. Things are going to erode, leading one to think that a bad end is the only end we can expect. Greed and sin wreak havoc on humanity.

So what now? All of the above are old lessens for new times. Is life not ultimately a battle? Especially for the believer, is adversity not a cosmic test of enormous proportions between God and Satan that will finally prove to any and all, that the True One will hold on to His own? In the end will it not be adversity that proves the faithful will find strength in their Creator to persevere? One day God will have all the evidence needed for the courts of Heaven to prove once and for all that the Righteous One is I AM!

The Bible meets that challenge in simple, clear language: “...when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3 For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.” James 1:2-4

Adversity can be the tool of God to help us clean up spiritual waste. It can teach us to move our faith back into first position. Isn't our handling of adversity really a question of reliance? Doesn't adversity show us at whose feet our trust really lays? Doesn't adversity realign us in prayer with the God of heaven, by showing us that we need solutions from His heaven? Can't adversity renew the importance of the relationships and reinstate the importance of one-another care? One of my old friends (ironically, who is no longer part of my community because of adversity!) used to say, when someone acknowledged the need for prayer, “Has it really come to that?" Today, as I acknowledge the presence of adversity that tests my own faith, I'm confronted with a to similar question: "Trust God completely? Has it truly come to that?!"

It's the Village

I'm stoked about our new website coming soon, but more so what it contains. In it we have done our best to begin to explain our emerging culture at TurningPoint. Though this is newly stated, it has been under development from the time of our birth. It is based on the relational/ incarnational model we see in our Master Jesus who adopted 12 men to spend the remainder of His earthly life with, into whom He poured His life, and then through whom He poured His message of grace, mercy, forgiveness and reconciliation; revolutioinary concepts that challenge every other philosophy and human inclination about what really matters. We call it Village Life.

In that pattern, we are a Tribe made up of many Villages. The Village is the smallest but most important unit of our ministry model. Village life is where we form our deepest bonds with one another in the Body. Oasis is what we call our largest gathering on Sunday mornings when all the Villages come together as a Tribe.

Describing how the Village model works and how it differs from a typical small group model is difficult because some of the small differences make the biggest impact. Picture a fire pit around which everyone in the village met, warmed their hands, told stories, and ate a meal together. Not only is the common fire a place where people are warmed and fed, but the common fire of village life was also the place where people processed life and made decisions based on the input of those who would be with them as those decisions worked their way out in community.

Closer to our century, picture the last camping trip with your best friends and how included you felt as you sat around the campfire and talked way into the night. In terms of American business protocol, you accomplished “nothing.” But in terms of depth of spirit and personhood you accomplished what was most important. If you picture that, you’re beginning to see the picture from our perspective. If you have not experienced that type of community since high school, you need a village.

Imagine if everyone was really connected to people who loved them, played and prayed with them, and then took that shared life experience into the streets of our cities, stores, community activity centers, gun shops, motorcycle showrooms, garage sales, pubs and coffee shops. Our world would change! This is our dream.

Last month, a friend of mine left an invitation on my Facebook page. He sent me and twenty-four others, a list of random things about himself. Then he asked us to do the same in return. Honestly, I don’t usually participate in stuff like this, but this intrigued me because even though I know this friend pretty well, there were several things on his list that I didn’t know. The cool thing was that he started some dialogue between people who call themselves friends. Isn’t this is the reason millions of people join these kinds of online communities in the first place? They want to be known?

Wise people know that life really isn't random at all. Like the stones pictured above, in God's plan our random things fit together like He had a plan in the first place. And of course He did. Each random stone you share with others tells something important about you and makes up the picture that goes by your name!

Being known necessitates some level of self-disclosure. We do like to be in control of what people know about us and this little exercise allows for that. So at the end of the day I sent him and twenty-four friends my list of random stones. To spread the issue further I put it in Blog form. What random stones would you disclose about yourself that would allow your friends to know you better? I'm asking, so I'll throw the first stones ...

25 Random Stones

1.I have lived in Washington twice now.
2.I’ve been married for 26 years; harder but more valuable than anyone told me.
3.I am trying to release 3 young male adults into the wild and let go!
4.Currently, my favorite beer is Buttface Amber Ale.
5.My favorite place to meet friends is The Ram at Kent Station.
6.I ride my M109 whenever I don’t get soaked on the way, and sometimes when I do!
7.I only like marsh mellows when they’re squished between two pieces of chocolate.
8.I cried once last year.
9.I’m going to balance #s 7 and 8 with #s 10 and 11.
10.I just bought a new Springfield XD(m) and got my concealed pistol license.
11.I have 15 friends that shoot pistols; one son that blows stuff up professionally, one with a black belt that wants to be a cop and another training to be a secret agent!
12.#7 sounds like a girl … no offense Ladies … none taken I’m sure.
13.I’m grateful to God for a bunch of cool friends including my brother that kept me from going insane the last 4 years!
14.I read Cigar Aficionado for another diversion.
15.My wife and I are walking 40 mins three times a week (We missed last week, doh!)
16.I’m almost 50. I used to be able to do stuff.
17.One of my goals is to be able to water ski ‘til I’m eighty …
18.Larry the Cable Guy still makes me laugh uncontrollably (like you’re laughing now about #17).
19.My dog is cool, but He’s also getting old and grumpy.
20.My parents pray like warriors! I’m still learning to hold the weapon ...
21.I hope to spend the month of July in Belgium. Yes, really.
22.Someday I will live on the side of a mountain and pick legal mushrooms.
23.Pastoral ministry has been harder than everyone said it would be, except my dad.
24.God’s transforming grace in Christ still blows me away every day!!
25.Worshiping Him still takes my breath away.


Your turn …

Generations

As I sit here looking out the window at yet another rotation of the earth around the sun, I realize that I’m mid-way through another week closer to the end of my life! Dark thoughts? Not at all. My oldest daughter just turned eighteen yesterday, and my third son will turn twenty-one at the end of the month. That’s exciting and monumental. But I’ve got to admit, watching my kids race through their birthdays forces me to think more about this transitory life. How speedily it expires! That leads me to wonder how my life fits into the ebbing first decade of a new millennium.

My cousin’s grandfather died last week, after over ninety years on the planet (that’s a ripe old age!). He worked hard and served his purpose and then fell into eternity. He was the last of the Libby brothers. All four of them are gone. His brother, my grandfather, died 12 years ago after a wonderful and difficult life. He too left his fingerprints on us in unique ways and then breathed his last.

I never knew my paternal grandfather. He died at age forty-eight. My dad beat prostate cancer five years ago and survived heart surgery in the last year. He's doing well now. My uncle appears to be in the final stages of life after a 14 year battle with cancer. His outlook is impeccable, his attitude is incredible. He’s an honorable man, but he’s prepared to leave now. His ‘up-look’ has well conditioned his outlook. I’m paying attention. I have two brothers, and the three of us have six sons between us. Sooner than we all expect, we will leave the planet and our sons will watch. And then sooner than they think, our sons will leave the planet and their sons will watch ... and the cycle continues. I’m not depressed, morbid or even anxious. I’m just trying to think deeper than the cigar I enjoyed last night.

I’m intrigued about how our culture has taught itself to avoid the daily collision with the inevitability of death. We watch it on TV every day. We role-play sequences of death on our Xbox. We observe death through the safety glasses of multiple news sources, but somehow we’ve learned to anesthetize ourselves from the reality that it will happen to us – death that is, and sooner than we think. Other cultures and people in earlier times tended to keep better track of the transitory nature of life. They did it by recording the generations and tracking the way previous generations impacted the current ones. They made long lists of who birthed whom, and who married whom, and then who came after that. There must have been a reason for that, right?

In general it seems that we’ve become experts at distraction and avoidance. We keep busy, we play more; we eat and drink more; avoidance? Distraction? We’ve invented multiple methods to lose ourselves in Matrix-like fantasies offered by various entertainment choices. Now I’m not against all of these things, inventing, producing, conquering and recreation are all good gifts to be sure. But here’s the deal: business, distraction and avoidance certainly reduce the opportunities for us to think deeply about the meaningful minutes that blow by us like a bullet train.

That’s my morning ramble over coffee. How about you? Do you think about stuff other than your neighbor who pissed you off, or the lady who took your parking place, or how your job sucks, or how bored you are, or how you’re going to pay your bills this year, or who you’re going to try and get with this weekend, or how you hope to medicate yourself, or (fill in the blank __________)? Have you given thought of your life? Do you think about those who’ve gone before you and the lessons they learned and projected to those who watch closely? No, not what your work requires, not what you have to do in the yard this weekend, or where your kids will go to college, or the new ‘whatever’ you think you need, or what you will do for a distraction when you’re bored with business, or agitated to avoidance. Do you ever think about your contribution to the swirl of humanity? Do you ever think that you were NOT an accidental freak of nature, wandering aimlessly as a microscopic piece of the puzzle of the universe that happens to be occupying a certain piece of real estate, unconnected to anything before or after? Do you? Well do you?

Challenge: I have no power to change how the generations emerge or when they expire, but I have the power to slow down, to think more, to look backwards and to let my ‘up-look’ adjust my outlook today. And so can you.

Packing For Another Place

I'm just rambling a bit this morning, sipping my coffee ... Like most sane people I want to live well, but I'm kinda slow. (I suck at the simple stuff!) Living life well can seem as futile as trying to get a better grip on the wind?! Once we get a grip, our grip slips! That’s why I’m starting to say, “Rod, hold your dreams lightly, hold your hopes tightly.” Sound upside down? I don’t think so. How many of you really ended up at the destination you thought you’d find when you began your adult trek?! I’m not saying we should stop aiming at dreams, goals, making plans and future stuff - just that we need to aim at the really important stuff - and maybe it's different than we we've been forced to swallow??

I’m going to keep dreaming, but at this point I’m holding my earthly dreams more lightly, learning (as in, on-going-not-there-yet-know-very-little) to submit to God first. I’m not sure I know the difference between a dream and vision until I wake up anyway?

If I'm really awake, living life well must mean to live in consideration of a life that exists beyond the present; a life lived aiming at eternity. Though life is very rewarding, most sane carbon units recognize that planted within them are the fingerprints of a life in another realm. Can't you almost smell it?! We may not be able to explain it fully, but neither can we deny it. So then, squeezing every drop of truth out of every experience in this realm, whether good or bad, fun or not, should be the preoccupation of the sane, right? Why? Because we're packing for another place! This is my journey of course, but I process better "out loud" So I'm just sharing the oars as we paddle along together.

Some form of learning is important if we're interested in a life well lived, and in most cases I learn more from stooping than standing! (Blog, April 1) The path to that higher aim comes by a different route than I was taught to expect. So, living life well Hmm... I'm starting to think that success means something much different than I was taught, and that the measurements I learned to evaluate with must change. In the mean time, I'm still sniffing for the fragrance of another realm. I think a life well lived is one spent sniffing for the scent of heaven in every experience, good or bad, happy or sad, fun, or none? Here's to packing for another place...

Beauty in Failure

This has been a busy season for me. I have a large family. I’m part of a group of tribes for which I feel responsible, and which require much of my organizational oversight. Honestly, this is a season of soul-jarring circumstance. I’m also easily distracted. I’ve needed to process badly, but had precious little time to reflect without feeling the pressure of running after the next screaming voice in my head.

Seasons…sitting at Starbucks lusting for my motorcycle, when my son just text me on his way to work and said, “Watch for ice! It’s crazy out here!” It’s April for crying out loud! And winter is still hanging around! Yesterday was Opening Day for the Mariners, and its 32 degrees outside! Some seasons just suck! They seem to stay too long and return too soon. Seasons are unpredictable even for well paid meteorologists on KOMO. Spring, get down here! Apparently, something has to come into alignment above me before Ms. Winter goes away for another year.

Maybe this is a metaphor for how life seems to work. I long for another season, but something has to align above me before this particular “winter” goes away. Something has to change above me. I’m starting to see that change only happens when lessons are learned and choices are made.

Looking in my own rearview mirror, I see that very little actually changed until I learned certain lessons I needed for the next “season.” I need to learn to embrace the beauty in failure. I want to succeed. I love to succeed! But I learn almost nothing through success. I enjoy the satisfaction of a job well done, people served, and progress made. But I learn the most lasting lessons through failure. Really, ask yourself what you’ve learned though success? Ask yourself, “When I was successful at … or in … what did I REALLY learn from it?” For me, satisfaction is a gift; pain a mentor. Pleasure is a blessing, but not a teacher.

Now maybe I’m a sicko, but there is beauty in failure because it takes me back to humility. It shows my brokenness. Failure exposes the weakness in my character, shows me that my insight is dim, and displays my shallow wisdom. Failure asks me for reflection and requires my feedback. Failure demands evaluation. Failure is patient for a response.

We look for the beauty in life, as we should. We long for the blessings of life, as we should. But if we’re honest, we must also face the brokenness of life. I have to grapple with the lessons of failure. If we care to open it, history shows that most leaders became effective only after some great failure from which they recovered and from there, discovered how to succeed. Success is good. Achievement can be advantageous. But to get there, failure may be the best teacher.

I have a good friend who has experienced much pain in life - much from others and some from his own reactions and poor choices. The good news is that he’s very tenacious. He’s learning much and deciding not to give up. In some ways his progress is heroic. He’s not afraid of pain. He’s afraid he won’t learn what he needs to through his pain. I’ve watched him, and walked with him for the last ten years. We’ve decided that there is good pain and bad pain. Good pain is when a person squeezes all the truth out of pain so he or she doesn’t have to continually experience it. Bad pain is when pain continually comes, yet I still refuse to change. That kind of pain - to change the lyrics of a song slightly - is like “living in last night’s nightmare.” That’s a dark season.

A mentor of mine used to remind me from time to time, that “nothing changes until something changes.” And about the time I was ready to say, “DUH!” He continued… “Nothing changes until something changes, and nothing changes until a decision is made.” I’m tired of this particular winter season. Something’s got to change above me. I’ll be back … I’ve got some decisions to make.

Humility; Lesson One

Most journeys begin with little thought given to what we may learn along the way. Only recently, I’ve begun to learn by seeing backwards. Just like the windshield is filled with opportunities, so the rear view mirror is filled with lessons if we care to glance back. This will help us do life well.

Jesus wants us to learn to do life well. “I have come to give you life and that more abundantly …” (John 10:10). The beauty of the destination makes the journey critically important. A few personal lessons have come to my attention of late, along the journey and for the journey. These are important to me.

Lesson one: If I think I’m humble, I only think I’m humble. Being my slow self, one day it dawned on me that humility is one of those quiet virtues. I noticed that humble people never think they are humble. Then it became obvious: thinking one is humble cancels the whole concept! Broadly speaking, humility can be defined as a proper view of oneself, others and God. Developing such views truly takes a lifetime. Taken more narrowly, to be humble is being prone to modesty and deference rather than arrogance and pretentious. Humility is the absolute antithesis of pride. In fact it carries the connotation of abasement. Jesus’ call even more stark in it’s implications when viewed from this angle!

Just this morning I got a personal example to keep my in pursuit of the difficult blessing of humility. At Starbucks I noticed a man of different race than myself. He was obviously trying very hard to keep to himself and he was reading a Gideon Bible. He was reading quietly out loud and had an old tattered dictionary lying next to him that he would occasionally consult. He had no cup of coffee and as I always have mine, I had one of those feelings that it would be nice of me to offer to buy him one, and hoped that this would give me a chance to maybe interact with him about his Bible reading. So, after putting myself through a mini-test about the reasons I would not do such a thing, I approached the man and asked if I could interrupt him. Immediately he said, “No!” He didn’t say it overly loud as if to make a scene, but there was something in his eyes that looked like fear and finality. I then asked if I could simply buy him a cup of coffee. He just added another word to the one he already used then turned away, “No thank you.”

Now, you probably had to be there to get the sense of it all. Describing his expression and response is very difficult. I almost ‘felt lead’ to approach him, and then very definitely felt rejected by his terse rebuff. I was humbled, actually a bit humiliated standing there like a dope when all I could muster was a polite, “OK.” Maybe my feelings came as I began evaluating my motives. Maybe it was because of my own ‘need’ to be helpful(?) Whatever was he afraid of? Certainly I will never know. Who would turn down a cup of coffee from a normal looking guy who was trying to be polite? Maybe a black man who has learned not to trust white men? Maybe a person who couldn’t be handled like a charity case one more time? Maybe a shy person, who simply didn’t want any interaction, and didn’t like coffee? Whatever the case, I cannot know. The ‘not knowing’ is still bugging me …

As I got into my car I considered two questions: why did I think I could help, or think he wanted or needed my input in the first place? Was it my pride? And then, why did I feel so terribly uncomfortable after such a brief encounter? Probably pride. Then a third question entered my head: why would anyone ever actually pursue such a virtue as humility?! Maybe humility is one of those virtues that just happens to a person? Is it possible that instead of pursuing it, we are just to accept it? Is this the unseen process of Christ-likeness that begins before one leaves the planet? What is Christ-likeness anyway if one is not rejected, humiliated, and rebuffed? Hmmm…

Like the rest of ME, my education is a work in progress. So I’m not implying that practicing humility is wrong. But to my way of thinking, to begin to think one is humble is pride all over again. Humility is Lesson One.

Resolutions!!

I am not in the habit of making New Year's Resolutions, thinking in my pride that any day of any year is a good day to resolve to change something. If I am honest, I must admit to possessing the fear that once resolved, such resolutions will only serve to be a dissapointment because of my largely undisciplined life.

However, in thinking about how things really change in the human heart, such change only happens by the full surrender of the saint to the Christ-life, through which the Spirit of God is called and somehow enabled to work. In truth, any santifying work is HIS. As Andrew Murray wrote years ago, (9 May 1828-18 January 1917)absolute surrender is not only desired and required of a Holy God, but also, it is the thing to which God has committed Himself in the life of every saint who makes such a resolution with a "believing heart and a faltering will." This resolution to surrender the best we can each and every day, seems the very thing that 'attracts' the absurd grace of God to work in that humility and enable such surrender.

One example of such a man is Johnathon Edwards, whose resolutions are convicting in scope and attainment. We have the record of his life and can varify that God indeed worked by His Spirit in those resolutions. It may be instructive and motivating for you to review them, as it is to me, though overwhelming in scope! If one could only achieve a small portion of this exhaustive list! One step at a time ...

Oh God forgive me for my trivial goals!!

THE RESOLUTIONS of Jonathan Edwards

BEING SENSIBLE THAT I AM UNABLE TO DO ANYTHING WITHOUT GOD' S HELP, I DO HUMBLY ENTREAT HIM BY HIS GRACE TO ENABLE ME TO KEEP THESE RESOLUTIONS, SO FAR AS THEY ARE AGREEABLE TO HIS WILL, FOR CHRIST' S SAKE.

Remember to read over these Resolutions once a week.

1. Resolved, that I will do whatsoever I think to be most to God' s glory, and my own good, profit and pleasure, in the whole of my duration, without any consideration of the time, whether now, or never so many myriads of ages hence. Resolved to do whatever I think to be my duty and most for the good and advantage of mankind in general. Resolved to do this, whatever difficulties I meet with, how many soever, and how great soever.
2. Resolved, to be continually endeavoring to find out some new contrivance and invention to promote the aforementioned things.
3. Resolved, if ever I shall fall and grow dull, so as to neglect to keep any part of these Resolutions, to repent of all I can remember, when I come to myself again.
4. Resolved, never to do any manner of thing, whether in soul or body, less or more, but what tends to the glory of God; nor be, nor suffer it, if I can avoid it.
5. Resolved, never to lose one moment of time; but improve it the most profitable way I possibly can.
6. Resolved, to live with all my might, while I do live.
7. Resolved, never to do anything, which I should be afraid to do, if it were the last hour of my life.
8. Resolved, to act, in all respects, both speaking and doing, as if nobody had been so vile as I, and as if I had committed the same sins, or had the same infirmities or failings as others; and that I will let the knowledge of their failings promote nothing but shame in myself, and prove only an occasion of my confessing my own sins and misery to God. July 30.
9. Resolved, to think much on all occasions of my own dying, and of the common circumstances which attend death.
10. Resolved, when I feel pain, to think of the pains of martyrdom, and of hell.
11. Resolved, when I think of any theorem in divinity to be solved, immediately to do what I can towards solving it, if circumstances do not hinder.
12. Resolved, if I take delight in it as a gratification of pride, or vanity, or on any such account, immediately to throw it by.
13. Resolved, to be endeavoring to find out fit objects of charity and liberality.
14. Resolved, never to do any thing out of revenge.
15. Resolved, never to suffer the least motions of anger towards irrational beings.
16. Resolved, never to speak evil of anyone, so that it shall tend to his dishonor, more or less, upon no account except for some real good.
17. Resolved, that I will live so, as I shall wish I had done when I come to die.
18. Resolved, to live so, at all times, as I think is best in my devout frames, and when I have clearest notions of things of the gospel, and another world.
19. Resolved, never to do any thing, which I should be afraid to do, if I expected it would not be above an hour, before I should hear the last trump.
20. Resolved, to maintain the strictest temperance, in eating and drinking.
21. Resolved, never to do any thing, which if I should see in another, I should count a just occasion to despise him for, or to think any way the more meanly of him. (Resolutions 1 through 21 written in one setting in New Haven in 1722)
22. Resolved, to endeavor to obtain for myself as much happiness, in the other world, as I possibly can, with all the power, might, vigor, and vehemence, yea violence, I am capable of, or can bring myself to exert, in any way that can be thought of.
23. Resolved, frequently to take some deliberate action, which seems most unlikely to be done, for the glory of God, and trace it back to the original intention, designs and ends of it; and if I find it not to be for God' s glory, to repute it as a breach of the 4th Resolution.
24. Resolved, whenever I do any conspicuously evil action, to trace it back, till I come to the original cause; and then, both carefully endeavor to do so no more, and to fight and pray with all my might against the original of it.
25. Resolved, to examine carefully, and constantly, what that one thing in me is, which causes me in the least to doubt of the love of God; and to direct all my forces against it.
26. Resolved, to cast away such things, as I find do abate my assurance.
27. Resolved, never willfully to omit any thing, except the omission be for the glory of God; and frequently to examine my omissions.
28. Resolved, to study the Scriptures so steadily, constantly and frequently, as that I may find, and plainly perceive myself to grow in the knowledge of the same.
29. Resolved, never to count that a prayer, nor to let that pass as a prayer, nor that as a petition of a prayer, which is so made, that I cannot hope that God will answer it; nor that as a confession, which I cannot hope God will accept.
30. Resolved, to strive to my utmost every week to be brought higher in religion, and to a higher exercise of grace, than I was the week before.
31. Resolved, never to say any thing at all against any body, but when it is perfectly agreeable to the highest degree of Christian honor, and of love to mankind, agreeable to the lowest humility, and sense of my own faults and failings, and agreeable to the golden rule; often, when I have said anything against anyone, to bring it to, and try it strictly by the test of this Resolution.
32. Resolved, to be strictly and firmly faithful to my trust, that that, in Proverbs 20:6,‹A faithful man who can find?Š may not be partly fulfilled in me.
33. Resolved, to do always, what I can towards making, maintaining, and preserving peace, when it can be done without overbalancing detriment in other respects. Dec. 26, 1722.
34. Resolved, in narrations never to speak any thing but the pure and simple verity.
35. Resolved, whenever I so much question whether I have done my duty, as that my quiet and calm is thereby disturbed, to set it down, and also how the question was resolved. Dec. 18, 1722.
36. Resolved, never to speak evil of any, except I have some particular good call for it. Dec. 19, 1722.
37. Resolved, to inquire every night, as I am going to bed, wherein I have been negligent,- what sin I have committed,-and wherein I have denied myself;-also at the end of every week, month and year. Dec. 22 and 26, 1722.
38. Resolved, never to speak anything that is ridiculous, sportive, or matter of laughter on the Lord' s day. Sabbath evening, Dec. 23, 1722.
39. Resolved, never to do any thing of which I so much question the lawfulness of, as that I intend, at the same time, to consider and examine afterwards, whether it be lawful or not; unless I as much question the lawfulness of the omission.
40. Resolved, to inquire every night, before I go to bed, whether I have acted in the best way I possibly could, with respect to eating and drinking. Jan. 7, 1723.
41. Resolved, to ask myself, at the end of every day, week, month and year, wherein I could possibly, in any respect, have done better. Jan. 11, 1723.
42. Resolved, frequently to renew the dedication of myself to God, which was made at my baptism; which I solemnly renewed, when I was received into the communion of the church; and which I have solemnly re-made this twelfth day of January, 1722-23.
43. Resolved, never, henceforward, till I die, to act as if I were any way my own, but entirely and altogether God' s; agreeable to what is to be found in Saturday, January 12, 1723.
44. Resolved, that no other end but religion, shall have any influence at all on any of my actions; and that no action shall be, in the least circumstance, any otherwise than the religious end will carry it. January 12, 1723.
45. Resolved, never to allow any pleasure or grief, joy or sorrow, nor any affection at all, nor any degree of affection, nor any circumstance relating to it, but what helps religion. Jan. 12 and 13, 1723.
46. Resolved, never to allow the least measure of any fretting uneasiness at my father or mother. Resolved to suffer no effects of it, so much as in the least alteration of speech, or motion of my eye: and to be especially careful of it with respect to any of our family.
47. Resolved, to endeavor, to my utmost, to deny whatever is not most agreeable to a good, and universally sweet and benevolent, quiet, peaceable, contented and easy, compassionate and generous, humble and meek, submissive and obliging, diligent and industrious, charitable and even, patient, moderate, forgiving and sincere temper; and to do at all times, what such a temper would lead me to; and to examine strictly, at the end of every week, whether I have done so. Sabbath morning. May 5, 1723.
48. Resolved, constantly, with the utmost niceness and diligence, and the strictest scrutiny, to be looking into the state of my soul, that I may know whether I have truly an interest in Christ or not; that when I come to die, I may not have any negligence respecting this to repent of. May 26, 1723.
49. Resolved, that this never shall be, if I can help it.
50. Resolved, I will act so as I think I shall judge would have been best, and most prudent, when I come into the future world. July 5, 1723.
51. Resolved, that I will act so, in every respect, as I think I shall wish I had done, if I should at last be damned. July 8, 1723.
52. I frequently hear persons in old age, say how they would live, if they were to live their lives over again: Resolved, that I will live just so as I can think I shall wish I had done, supposing I live to old age. July 8, 1723.
53. Resolved, to improve every opportunity, when I am in the best and happiest frame of mind, to cast and venture my soul on the Lord Jesus Christ, to trust and confide in him, and consecrate myself wholly to him; that from this I may have assurance of my safety, knowing that I confide in my Redeemer. July 8, 1723.
54. Whenever I hear anything spoken in conversation of any person, if I think it would be praiseworthy in me, Resolved to endeavor to imitate it. July 8, 1723.
55. Resolved, to endeavor to my utmost to act as I can think I should do, if, I had already seen the happiness of heaven, and hell torments. July 8, 1723.
56. Resolved, never to give over, nor in the least to slacken, my fight with my corruptions, however unsuccessful I may be.
57. Resolved, when I fear misfortunes and adversities, to examine whether I have done my duty, and resolve to do it, and let the event be just as providence orders it. I will as far as I can, be concerned about nothing but my duty, and my sin. June 9, and July 13 1723.
58. Resolved, not only to refrain from an air of dislike, fretfulness, and anger in conversation, but to exhibit an air of love, cheerfulness and benignity. May 27, and July 13, 1723.
59. Resolved, when I am most conscious of provocations to ill nature and anger, that I will strive most to feel and act good-naturedly; yea, at such times, to manifest good nature, though I think that in other respects it would be disadvantageous, and so as would be imprudent at other times. May 12, July 11, and July 13.
60. Resolved, whenever my feelings begin to appear in the least out of order, when I am conscious of the least uneasiness within, or the least irregularity without, I will then subject myself to the strictest examination. July 4, and 13, 1723.
61. Resolved, that I will not give way to that listlessness which I find unbends and relaxes my mind from being fully and fixedly set on religion, whatever excuse I may have for it-that what my listlessness inclines me to do, is best to be done, etc. May 21, and July 13, 1723.
62. Resolved, never to do anything but duty, and then according to Ephesians 6:6-8, to do it willingly and cheerfully as unto the Lord, and not to man:‹knowing that whatever good thing any man doth, the same shall he receive of the Lord.Š June 25 and July 13, 1723.
63. On the supposition, that there never was to be but one individual in the world, at any one time, who was properly a complete Christian, in all respects of a right stamp, having Christianity always shining in its true luster, and appearing excellent and lovely, from whatever part and under whatever character viewed: Resolved, to act just as I would do, if I strove with all my might to be that one, who should live in my time. January 14 and July 13, 1723.
64. Resolved, when I find those ‹groanings which cannot be utteredŠ (Romans 8:26), of which the Apostle speaks, and those‹breakings of soul for the longing it hath,Š of which the Psalmist speaks, Psalm 119:20, that I will promote them to the utmost of my power, and that I will not be weary of earnestly endeavoring to vent my desires, nor of the repetitions of such earnestness. July 23, and August 10, 1723.
65. Resolved, very much to exercise myself in this, all my life long, viz. with the greatest openness, of which I am capable of, to declare my ways to God, and lay open my soul to him: all my sins, temptations, difficulties, sorrows, fears, hopes, desires, and every thing, and every circumstance; according to Dr. Manton' s 27th Sermon on Psalm 119. July 26, and Aug.10 1723.
66. Resolved, that I will endeavor always to keep a benign aspect, and air of acting and speaking in all places, and in all companies, except it should so happen that duty requires otherwise.
67. Resolved, after afflictions, to inquire, what I am the better for them, what am I the better for them, and what I might have got by them.
68. Resolved, to confess frankly to myself all that which I find in myself, either infirmity or sin; and, if it be what concerns religion, also to confess the whole case to God, and implore needed help. July 23, and August 10, 1723.
69. Resolved, always to do that, which I shall wish I had done when I see others do it. August 11, 1723.
70. Let there be something of benevolence, in all that I speak. August 17, 1723.

* http://www.reformed.org/index.html

Basic Physics

I was up in the foothills two weeks ago, with my two youngest daughters getting a Christmas tree, when I learned once again that one can’t skirt the laws of physics just because of one's equipment. I never studied physics in high school or college, but I was always intrigued by what I assumed a course like that would entail. I could have explored basic physics but instead, chose something I could get an ‘A’ in to balance my underachieving grade record at the time. So, what business do I have even using the word? I’m no scientist! Well, because I just want to tell you a story. You make the spiritual application … or not.

I let my daughters play hooky form school (I know!) and we headed up to the ranger station to get our tree tag (I guess before one kills a deer they must have a tag, so they make it that way for killing a tree too?). Anyway, we got our tag and headed up Forest Service road 70. We soon ran into snow, but I just shifted my wife’s Ford into ‘4 high’ on the fly and proceeded with confidence. When we got into heavier snow I simply stopped, put it into neutral, flipped the switch to ‘4 low’ and again we did well. We stopped often and had a blast jumping in and out looking for just the right tree. The girls brought the camera and took a card-load of pictures of the white covered beauty of God’s creation. And we enjoyed the mountain air, despite the smell of my cigar (I know, that's a tradition too, Rom. 14:3-6). Finally, we all agree on a good tree, killed it, and tied it in the truck (you have to do that with deer too!).

Listening to country music (I know! I have daughters!), the girls took turns asking me questions about driving in the snow. “Well, where I grew up,” said I, “we had snow every year, and you just kinda learn how to stay off the brake pedal and under power so you can gear down. You stay off the bumper of the person in front of you and …” About that time, we shifted back into 4 high and brought the speed up to about 40mph (I know!) because, there was much less snow. While we (they) were singing along with 102.9 because we couldn’t get THE WOLF way up there, we rounded a corner and began to slide toward a deep ditch on my side of the road, into oncoming vehicles if there were any coming up. This always happens fast, except in the mind’s eye! Being quite accustomed to emergency maneuvers, I immediately panicked, took my foot off the gas, and stepped on the brake (Doh!) On the way to the ditch, I’m having a short conversation with myself about basic physics that began with, "Shelley's going to kill me ..." and continued something like this, “Rod, just because you have 4-wheel-drive you can’t overcome the laws of basic physics. You’re going too fast for conditions, you became cocky up the mountain, and you failed at the most basic moves necessary when confronted by the laws of physics. Dude!” Then my inner voice became audible as I cried out to the one who put the laws of physics in place in the beginning: “Oh Jesus Help us ...!" Just at that moment, I realized what I was doing wrong and corrected it, and back on track we were. All was silent but for the sound of my heart beat, as we slowed down. It took a bit for the noise of the radio to return.

Then it hit me: disobey the laws of physics and it can instantly ruin an otherwise delightful day. Drive safely my friends. Like the bread truck says, "The buns you save may be your own.” And always remember, no matter what your equipment is, the laws of physics are always in place.

Merry Christmas

Starting To See It Now!

This season always does and always should cause us to reminisce with warm thoughts of family gatherings, feasts and festivals; smells of cinnamon, and evergreen, tastes like turkey, cranberry, spiced rum and eggnog lattes at Starbucks, and the sounds of familiar Christmas songs playing as we shop at Nordstrom’s or Macy’s. That’s a long sentence. Here’s a shorter one: Thank you God! Yep, we have a lot to be thankful for here in the PNW! At this point in my life, I experience the grace of God through a wife who still loves me, kids who respect me, and a Church family that is like an oasis. They love us and we love them. We are basically healthy, pay the bills, and enjoy many friendships.

But … and this is a really BIG but! Let’s not forget that it's also one of the most depressing times of the year for many. From a world perspective, there are one billion people on the planet who have no job. Almost half the world lives on $2.00 a day or less! Yes, and there are millions who have no home to go to for that feast you and I can’t wait to take for granted.

Closer to home, there are several broken families in my life-space who have to go through the first season without their “other.” Even if it was a difficult relationship before the divorce, loss is loss; it leaves one empty. Now they have to face a season filled with memories, but empty of the familiar people with whom they experienced them. Spouses without spouses anymore; children separated from parents and parents from children. Every holiday season they will have to re-face those debilitating feelings of loss and guilt and bitterness. These people are part of my life at TPC. They have taught me much about God. I love them, and am very thankful.

Others have lost loved ones through disease of trauma. I have friends who lost their son to cancer a short time back. We all prayed, and their son went to be with Jesus anyway. Someone’s mother is dying as I write this. I think of my good friend in Spokane who is recovering from the loss of his beautiful wife of 25 years. They will have to struggle on a whole different level. Now he and his two great kids have to face Thanksgiving and Christmas without her for the first time. They taught me much about living through the worst, and trying to make the best. They taught me not to complain. They have not given up on God either. I love them, and am very thankful.

These people go to my church, as we say, but really they ARE the Church. They make up my spiritual family, my oasis. They arrived through broken relationships. They arrived, through compulsions, addiction and dysfunctions. Through heartache they have persevered. Through struggle, they continue to fall toward God. I’m so proud of them.

I am indebted to the servants who stayed the course through trauma and hard work and made this place last. They came to serve. They helped TPC start and they will make her last. I have watched their sacrifice and their love; seen their fatigue and their tears and their faith. They look and smell like Jesus to me. I love them and am very thankful.

All these and more, make up this oasis. An oasis is a place of respite and refreshment. We are not a perfect oasis. We have our wrinkles to be sure. We’ve made all the mistakes I think an organization can make?! We all have, or are recovering from something. We are a wrinkly oasis of grace and truth. We worship God together every week. We study life and still search for answers. We still experience loss. We try and obey, and struggle to forgive. We work hard to be authentic. That’s hard too. But we have God and each other, and we are learning to be thankful.

I’m on a quest for deeper reflection this year I need to learn to be thankful for something besides all the stuff in my life. These people have helped me begin to see it all. When I sit down for a meal on Thursday, I will be VERY thankful for the God I serve and the people who serve Him and struggle with me.

As I plod along, trip and bump my head, skin my knees, and even throw-up sometimes, I just want to remember to say thank you to God through Jesus Christ my Lord. Thank you for the journey Father, there really is “pain in the offering.” I’m starting to see it now …

More Hero Stuff

“A small band of critical men was once asked to accomplish a great but secret mission …" Ya, I just like that phrase, so I’m going to repeat it a few times … a day). I like it because it reminds me that hero stuff is accomplished by small groups of people all the time, and I imagine that all of them wonder if their investment is really going to be worth it in the end. And they won’t know until The End.

So, what do heroes really look like? Does he really have a big red ‘S’ on his chest and wear blue tights? Do her eyes turn trans-like and summon thunder, lightning and tornadoes? Does their name come with a 007 after it? No, though myth may indeed be some form of “flight into reality” (some old dead guy said that), most of us need to learn to embrace reality. Reality is that many of us are called upon to serve others in a way that we get little or no recognition. Hero’s count the cost, but move out anyway. Often they forfeit their dreams, future prospects, or a good career in another more profitable field. Heroism comes at great cost to families, and in the end, true heroes don’t want to be memorialized. They choose to gamble their lives for a cause they deem greater and more important than their own ambitions. But I bet a "thank you" would be nice?

What strikes me today, is when individuals or groups of people band together to use their cumulative time, resources and influence to rescue others in day-to-day battles in the war of life. They clothe poor people. They drive to the Union Gospel Mission on Christmas morning at 4:30am to prep tables, sort silverware and fill large pots of coffee before serving breakfast to homeless men living on the streets of Seattle. Other heroes teach little kids who have messed up parents how to read. Some heroes counsel alcoholics and drug addicts who will likely relapse at least three more times ... someone has to volunteer to help get the first level of relapse out of the way. And some, like the woman my wife and I saw at Starbucks yesterday, work with the mentally disabled. She was playing a colorful put-the-right-shape-in-the-right-hole game on the metal tables outside the coffee shop, when she could have been shopping at Nordstrom’s or just having a quiet ‘Starbucks moment’ to herself. Instead, she was helping a mentally disabled adult woman, who frankly may never be of perceived value to society, find some level of enjoyment or education. That is hero stuff.

Most heroes are never heard from again and real heroes don’t want to be a celebrity. They choose to serve at great personal sacrifice for some great perceived purpose. Heroes miss out on other things because they’re helping others. Some, like a few pastors I know, have sacrificed valuable family time that they can never replace to help people get their stuff together with God. They try their best to to help fix broken people who pay nothing, complain often and then leave without saying thank you. Way to go guys.

Heroes are among us every day and they go unnoticed. Some of these heroes never come back from their battles. Those that do are never the same. No, not many are Navy SEALs, or even close. Few of them ever get a medal, and none of them wear blue tights with a big red S-diamond on the front. Most of these heroes have little training, and wear street clothes rather than BDU’s, (battle dress uniforms) but they step in when someone needs help. They serve where there is a need; for no recognition and little pay - if at all. They often die wondering if it was all worth it. That, my friends, is hero stuff. And it should help us all redefine “normal” forever.

This glass I have raised? It's to those who think their part in the battle of life is small and insignificant. Thank you, to those who never get a “thank you.” Thank you for being a hero. Your reward is coming from the One who really matters.

Critical Men Pt. 1

“A small band of critical men was once asked to accomplish a great but secret mission.” I just like how that sounds. Not quite like the first line in The Hobbit, “In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit.” It sounds more like the opening line in an anthology of secret missions from WWII. Maybe that’s why I like it so much? It hints of adventurous rescues and courage with disregard for personal safety for some great purpose. Like the Navy SEALs for example.

Navy Seals are reputed to be among the most unique fighting units in modern warfare. Extreme training; ‘they break ya, ‘til they make ya,” get their prize, do their duty and disappear, kind of stuff. “The United States Navy Sea, Air and Land (SEAL) forces are the elite Special Operations Forces (or Special forces) of the U.S. Navy, employed in unconventional warfare, guerrilla warfare, foreign internal defense, direct action, counter-terrorism, specific enemy snatch and grab (kidnapping), specific enemy assassination, hostage rescue, and special reconnaissance operations.” (Thanks http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_Navy_SEALs)

My wife’s uncle was a Navy Seal in the Viet Nam era. I never knew him well, but he is really secretive and never stays in one place to this day. He can rebuild engines, fly those cool single winged bush planes, hold his breathe for like a half hour, and shot like Jason Borne. Twenty years after the war was over he still had his Toyota Land Cruiser in his shop, loaded with survival gear and fire arms ready to drive up into the interior of Montana’s Cabinet Mountain range and disappear. I think his kind of service ruined him. Hero stuff always does.

The film industry skews the real truth by embellishment and superhuman portrayals of heroism because that sells DVDs at Blockbuster and Costco. But in the real theater of war everyone’s a hero. No one comes back normal. In fact, war forces all of us to redefine “normal” forever.

With respect to these real Heroes ...

Lead From the Shadows

My friend James wrote a blog a couple weeks ago and as I woke up this morning I found myself thinking about the subject of worship all over again. As an Elder, musician and worship leader, he has the right to comment on this, and insight as well. In his blog he noted the seeming famine of worship songs being written that are singable in the worshiping community. (http://tpcworship.blogspot.com/2007/10/modern-worship.html) We enjoy some very creative music these days and there’s no question that much of it leads me to a place of personal worship. James seemed to imply that there is a critical need for worship leaders who use their gifts to create music that is less about their personal journey, and more about our corporate journey as God's people. Agreed. We need more music written with God in focus and the congregation in mind. We need a revival of the joy of the journey as God’s people, in the style that makes worship easily intelligible to non-musicians - if I understood his point.

My partial response to him at the time was that “worship is a language and if it's not intelligible in the congregation, then it might be just a concert. We need more worship leaders with this desire. Leaders are to lead someone for crying out loud. The criteria can no longer be 'well is feels good to me.' If that's the case, with St. Paul I say, 'you're edifying yourself all right, but the body doesn't understand, and gifts of the Spirit are for the body.' Please, more worship, less concerts!!”

Though that may sound somewhat critical of certain worship leaders out there these days, my point, though not to be critical, was hortatory. Seventeen years ago I entered pastoral ministry “from the choir loft.” I grew up as a musician and vocal leader and learned by doing it wrong in many cases. I did learn that as a worship leader my job is NOT to show my finer vocal points, or gain a following for myself in subtle ways. That is to rob God of His rightful attention. My job before God was and is to lead His people to focus on Him; to love him and respond to His grace, mercy and provision in the language of worship - in community. Not that I’ve got this down whatsoever(!) but John the Immerser sure had it right: “I must decrease and He must increase.” This is to be the vision and high calling of every worship leader.

We’ve got to reclaim the importance of corporate worship in our individualistic society. Biblical Christianity is to be a "team sport." God is the only true Superstar. Therefore, we need to recapture the awesome responsibility as leaders – though we may be actually in the front – to lead from the shadows and take others with us in concert of praise when we gather.

Miss My Son!

I miss my son. He’s in the Air Force stationed on the East coast … for now. He always wanted to make a difference in people’s lives, but fell prey to the disease of many young people. See if you recognize these symptoms: new minimum wage job every three months, way too much Xbox, waaaaay too much junk food, (!) way too much Abercrombie, too many girlfriends, and not enough discipline. The high school environment and pressure didn't help.

Two years ago he announced his interest in the Air Force, went through all the pre-signup details, and enlisted for six years. I was hoping for less. Looking back, it was the best decision of his life, and he made it by himself. It caused him to mature quickly, regain his confidence and prove to himself he could do whatever he needed to do. He learned a new and healthy respect for authority, decency, and decorum. He even learned how to fold his underwear and socks! And his vision was renewed to protect and rescue; to make a lasting difference. I’ve always been proud because he belongs to me. But now I’m proud in a respectful way, different than I’ve ever experienced.

He’s an E.O.D. technician - Explosive Ordinance Disposal. His job is to go wherever he’s told, and find and dispose of explosive devices, either by blowing them up or disarming them. I know! I said that too, “Why not air traffic control or some other area for which you qualified.” But he’s a young man who wants to give his life for something rather than die for nothing. Now he’s trained long, qualified, certified, and tested all over again. He’s been on some VIP missions involving some really important VIP’s that I’m not supposed to know about. Now he’s up for deployment to who-knows-where soon. We’ll know when he knows, if he can tell us. That’s all I can tell you, top secret stuff, you know.

Anyway, I miss him badly. We talk as often as possible, but it’s very surreal; strange how fast he made his choice, grew up, moved away and will likely never actually live in our area again. I’m not ready to admit that, but this is all evidence of answered prayer throughout the years of raising him. He was always very headstrong, still is, but regained respect for my wife and I after the terrible seventeen’s (like the terrible two’s but much, much more risky!)

To get to the end of this rope, I’m so thankful for having him in my home; privileged to watch him grow up and excited to see how God will continue to use him, but I miss him lots. Sometimes I come home late and half expect to see him in the kitchen pouring himself a bowl of cereal at eleven-thirty PM. Sometimes I think he’s going to be watching TV in our livingroom on a Saturday, or find him riding his motorcycle up next to mine and his two brothers.

He’s my oldest son and the first out of my home. Kids grow up. Things change. I’m still the father, but no longer parenting. Things equalize. Roles evolve. Still the dad, now we're building a friendship. I pray for him different too though, especially in light of the current state of world affairs and his dangerous occupation. Though he still calls me for wisdom, I now respect him as a man, and view him with a different kind of respect. I'm an adviser when I'm invited, and the silent prayer warrior for my warrior son.

Whew! Four more to go … help me God!

Transition and Tension

Transition sucks. I’m in it and I don’t like it ... that phase in the birth process right before the “push” where every part of the mother’s body is preparing to bring little Suzy into the world - but it’s not fun! I was there when Shelley gave birth to my kids and transition sucked for her! It wasn't fun for the kids either. Heads all pointy, (it hurts when a human head is being squeezed by one the strongest muscle groups in the human body!), goop all over them, feeling cold for the first time, struggling for breath … ya, no fun. Now, looking at my awesome kids, I’m thankful for transition.

I'm in transition – have been for the last three years or so. I know because I feel the tension – not only squeezing my head, but that too! Sometimes I feel cold and gooey, and I struggle to breathe. (Wonder what my head will look like when I’m through this particular ‘muscle group?’ It freakin’ hurts!) The tension probably exists because of the distance between what I want and what is right. I can’t know until it’s over. Either I embrace it and try to squeeze every once of learning from it (oh that’s easy!). Or I continue to resist it and let it squeeze the hell out of me! Wait, maybe that’s the purpose of transition. Anyway, resisting is like running from the Borg.

I need certain things to happen; stuff relating to life, my concept of order, ministry realignment; resolution for some of my friends, for my staff, and stuff for my kids. Then there’s the stuff I don’t want, like facing the death of my dreams, feeling the shock of what greatness really is (now that's cold!) and beginning to realize the kind of world my kids are inheriting - not handling that well either. I don’t always get what I want, and sometimes I get what I really don’t want! That blows too, or so it seems. I’ll let you know soon as I know.

It’s the philosophy of the rubber band: it’s all about the tension. If I don’t learn to manage it, something shoots-off in an uncontrolled direction or breaks and can't be repaired. Sucks again. Following Christ seems a lot like that - flesh and spirit always fighting - as Jesus leads me through the tension of transition until I’m eventually remade in His likeness – that’s a birth canal of a whole different kind! I gotta tell ya, I’m squirming! “Rod, just relax! Let the tension of HIS will shape your freedom to choose what is right, not what you want!” Good advice says the brighter side of my brain …now just try and do it!

In transition right now? How's your head feel? I’m just observing, and I have little wisdom, but I think we should probably all just hang on and learn to manage the tension. Maybe something will be born; caused to incubate in our own spirit, brought to life because we struggled with it - and against it (!) - but birth only happens after transition, right?.

We should compare notes more often - you know, swap stories. We could travel together for awhile. We all walk together anyway; really it’s just pride and geography that separate us.

In the Lens

I was sitting in my Starbucks this morning, (I know strange huh?). So in walks a homeless guy, presumably in his early 40’s, though they typically look older than they really are. He lumbers over next to one of those small round tables sets his bag down in the corner and begins fumbling with the stuff in his pocket. He smells the aroma of the coffee store as He looks for change. Out comes some rolled up papers, a wrapper, and a crumpled up dollar bill. He sits down, then stands up and puts it all back into his pocket and heads for the bar. He comes back with nothing – no coffee. He goes to the front door and looks out as if he’s looking for someone. Then he picks up his white plastic bag, goes into the rest room, comes back out and heads to the door. As he walks past a crowd of people he doesn’t know, he waves a little – to look like he knew someone (?) or to be polite, and sauntered out the door leaving me there at my own little round table.

There I sat with my coffee, my little zippered bag, and my journal on the desk in front of me asking God what I’m seeing. I was feeling guilty because I should have got up and offered to buy him an Americano; feeling numb because the homeless are all too frequent these days, and feeling serious, compassion overload for this guy and others like him so that my heart freezes.

I realized that he and I were not as much different as society has made us (comfortably) think. With no disrespect or judgment about why he was in his plight, or if he was “all there,” in our human experience maybe things are really quite relative. Though we’re in different strata of society, something about which I really had no choice, he had a bag, and I had a bag – of things meaningful, necessary and transitory. I carry a backpack with a few books, my lighter, a few pens and my iPod. He carried a bag with maybe an extra shirt, a jacket, an old newspaper, some matches, a little flask of cheep wine, and a list of names and numbers; maybe even a map back home, if he remembered where that used to be or even cared.

We both recognize the levels, and that we’re always in ‘mixed company.’ Both of us want to fit in, and very often don’t. He in some circle - any circle - and me in another circle that I perceive as better than my own. We both wave at people we don’t know sometimes. He felt alone in the crowd, but did his best not to look like it. I sometimes feel the same. We both want to be known. He walked in a world where he went largely unnoticed, and did his best to act normal. I live in a world where many know me, but I don’t know what normal is anymore.

Oh sure, I have more stuff, which makes me no more important than him. I just have more to manage, more to repair and more to throw away. I have more access, more resources, and more influence. Or do I? I always evaluate things from my level of The Matrix, and he from his. He wants more, I want more. He’s attached to his stuff, and I to mine. He has insecurities and I have mine. He wants to feel, and I want to feel. He looks for meaning, and I look for significance. Like chasing the wind, right?

The strangest things happened that very moment. Starbucks Corp. sent a camera team in to the store to capture the action and interview some of the partners. I noticed all the baristas – save two - posture immediately to get in the path of the lens! ‘That’s it,’ says I: no matter who we are or into which strata of society we fit or don’t, or perceive we belong, or don’t - we ALL want to be in the lens. We all want to be noticed. We all want a crowd, and perceive that another crowd might be better than the one we now occupy. We really are alike after all.

The Pavement Always Wins

I ride a motorcycle. My friends ride motorcycles and my sons ride motorcycles - not those sissy, little putt-putt units designed to get 600 miles per gallon. We ride large, fast, pavement eating, all-day-long-large-displacement-move-your-tail-two-wheeled-monsters! OK, I just thought it would be cool just to write that and think of that guy with the LARGE (and fake!) voice that advertises MONSTERJAM at the Tacoma dome…

Now for real, I like to ride and my friends like to ride. We ride every weekend once the wet edge of winter turns to the hopefully sunny weather of spring, through the summer, clear up to Thanksgiving – if there is no snow. I like the speed, the wind, the personal time, and the way the machine just works. I also enjoy how that sport / hobby draws people together in appreciation of God's creative genius seen in the beauty of the Pacific Northwest, and in the beauty of the different personalities that we experience when we ride as a group. There is one lesson I've learned, that I want to pass along to you: THE PAVEMENT ALWAYS WINS!

Whether you ride or not, maybe you can imagine what it's like when bike and rider crash to the pavement at any rate of speed – the faster the speed, the more dramatic and traumatic the result. I've ridden street bikes since I was senior at Kentridge High School. (Don't ask when that was!) In all my years of riding and hearing all the stories of others losing control, or doing something stupid behind the bars, or being the victim of someone in a car doing something stupid - which is most often the case - I've NEVER heard or seen the pavement bleed! I've never heard it complain or cry! I've never seen the pavement need repair or a long period of convalescence because a motorcycle and rider crashed onto its tender surface! THE PAVEMENT ALWAYS WINS!

So it is with the way of foolishness. The fool is the one who will never admit that THE PAVEMENT ALWAYS WINS! The book of Proverbs is one of the greatest sources of wisdom on the planet. Even those who profess to be of an 'anti-god,' 'no-god' or 'detached creator' theological persuasion can glean miles of wisdom from its pages if they approach it with an open mind. One of the major themes of this little powerful tome is the contrast between the wise person and foolish person. Wise people are humble. Foolish people are arrogant. Wise people like themselves, but they don't coddle themselves like the foolish who engage in varied degrees of narcissism.

Proverbs teaches that wise people think before they act. They seek wise counsel and submit to the laws of the land. They learn to control their anger and their impulses. They value relationships above possessions, and character over appearance. Wise people fear God. One will also learn that foolish people submit only to their own law. They follow other fools. They use and abuse relationships. People are a means to their personal ends. They never see the need for the counsel of others. They engage in anarchy – at least passive anarchy. Their impulses and their anger control them, and they hang out with the same kind of people. They think that pleasure is the goal of life's gifts. AND foolish people act as if there is no God to whom one day they will give account! Long before Solomon wrote and assembled the Proverbs, his father, King David, wrote that, "The fool has said in his heart, 'There is no God.'" (Ps 14:1; 53:1) Now we all act foolish once in awhile, and we will continue to do so at times, but the truly foolish continue in their folly with no thought toward the day when the "pavement" of life will catch up with them.

So, to those who wish to avoid the perils of foolishness and wonder why fools seem to never get what's coming to them, concentrate on your own road. To the others who made it this far - by nature, revelation and experience - I have news for the fool: THE PAVEMENT ALWAYS WINS!

Inside-Out Your Christianity!

Snow! Now I ask myself, "How can the Farmer's Almanac be right considering Al Gore's theory of global warming? Hmmm…" Awe, but that's enough of politics. Most of humanity will admit that life is more a spiritual journey than a political one for sure. Our inner being simply can't be satisfied with externals.

A challenge: compare Jesus, His life and teaching, with what we know of as present day Christianity. You will find that Jesus and "popular Christianity" often do not agree. Take what we call the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew's account of Jesus' life, in the fifth chapter. It was one of Jesus' earliest mass-meetings – maybe one of the most misunderstood and thus controversial. (I also dare you to compare Jesus' life and teaching to what life is like for those outside Christianity – that would only be fair treatment.)

Jesus began His sermon by saying, "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." (Matthew 5:2) "Blessed" means happy, fortunate, free from daily worries and cares. Ha! Ever experienced that side of "blessed?" Rarely, if you're like me, that's because we're all trying to get the outside fixed up as a means to lasting happiness. Jesus said it goes the other way – real happiness comes from having our stuff together on the inside with God and real life change results.

From the beginning, Jesus taught that life is to be lived from the inside-out. Whatever 'is' bubbles up from the visceral and makes its way to the visible. Much of the church teaches the exact opposite today. Popular Christianity tends to present the idea that belief starts on the outside and makes its way to the heart. Either by action or by straight-up propaganda, it teaches that if we dress up the outside, good stuff will seep to the center. Sorry, gravity doesn't work that way. "Fake it 'til you make it" theology only works in Church. It begins to erode by the time most people hit the parking lot. True Christian spirituality works from the inside out. It starts almost imperceptibly and slowly builds toward a changed life – a journey that lies within. If I want a truly different life, I've got to allow God to start on the inside. My behavior, morals, and crappy attitudes will change as a result.

The term "spirit" references the intangible but very real part of the person. So the first thing required for an inside-out-life-worth-living is a broken heart! But, there is nothing more contrary to our natural way than to be working toward honest brokenness. Most of us would dearly love to refrain from anything that looks like brokenness because our version of that concept is weakness and lacking value or strength. Again, our thinking is ass-backwards.

The thief on the cross always reminds me that the path of deliverance is an inside work, spirit to Spirit, that makes its way out. The thief, the one who knew he deserved to die, affirmed that Jesus was undeserving of death, called Him Lord, and asked to go with Him to heaven. He had no time to clean up his messed up life or to repair the destruction caused by his lifetime crime spree. He had no time to join a church, no time to read the Bible, no time to develop a disciplined prayer life, no time to get into the media and tell outsiders that they suck. He didn't even have to time to find water and get baptized! Most of these things are good, but they will not, on their own, get one into the kingdom of God unless an inside work has begun by the Spirit of God in the human spirit. The thief only had time for belief and repentance which both take place on the inside. That's all it required for him to enter the kingdom of God. Jesus' own words were, "Assuredly, I say to you, today you will be with Me in Paradise." (Luke 23:43) That's the good news.

Christian spirituality is an inside-out faith. Popular Christianity is often presented as "outside-in." We have to "inside-out" our thinking to see this, but it's the truth according to Jesus. To whom do you think we ought to listen: the Person who started true Christianity or those who simply report on it from an American point of view?